Seinfeld The Overstuffed Ravioli
by O Playa
Summary: Kramer gets a computer, but has a hard time understanding the Internet Language
1. Jerry's Opening Act

Seinfeld- The Overstuffed Ravioli  
  
By Ohav S.  
  
DISCLAIMER: Do not copy idea or text. To access the other chapters go to the right hand bottom or top for navigation. There are four parts of the story/episode:  
  
Jerry-Standup - 3 minutes. First part of the story - 7 minutes. Second part of the story - 7 minutes. Ending scene, credits. - 3 minutes.  
  
Altogether: 20 minutes, the rest is commercials.  
  
Enjoy!  
  
Jerry - Standup:  
  
I never was a fast runner, never, not in gym class and not when trying to leave a scene of a crime. One time, my friend Willis and I wanted to, you know, have a little fun. Now, we were twelve back then and it was one night before Halloween, Mischief Night. After entirely covering four houses with toilet paper and raiding seventeen with rotten eggs, we wanted to steal a pumpkin. So we go to this little cute house, and we see a nice, considerably big pumpkin. The lights were all out in the house and there was no noise. So I lift it up and as I turn around to leave, I hear the door open and I saw Willis yell and run. I turn around and I see an old lady with this huge shaft. Now, the lady looks no younger than sixty, but I still run. So the lady chases me with her shaft and I'm running and she's catching up. I let go of the pumpkin and run as fast as I can. Anyway, the lady catches up to me, grabs my shoulder and just looks into my eye and leaves. Just when I thought I was out of trouble, I get home and my mom yells at me, it turns out she knows the lady, and the lady called home. So basically, for the next two months, Willis and I had to go to her house after school and take care of her. The only effect this story had on me is that now I have an efficient phobia of shafts.  
  
Commercial Break 


	2. Second Part of Episode

Commercials End, Show Resumes  
  
Scene 1, Jerry's Apartment:  
  
Jerry is making a sandwich; George is sitting on the couch reading a magazine.  
  
Jerry:  
  
So George, are you up for going to "Titanic" today with Linda and me? You  
  
can bring Susan! George (still looking at magazine):  
  
Nah, I can't.  
  
Jerry:  
  
Why not? I heard from Kramer you see Kate's breasts completely!  
  
George (now looking at Jerry in the eye, Jerry is taking a bite from sandwich): And you want me to bring Susan to that?  
  
Jerry:  
  
All right man, you don't have to.  
  
Kramer Enters  
  
Kramer (chuckles):  
  
Guess what I bought?  
  
Jerry:  
  
Another inflatable love doll?  
  
Kramer:  
  
Nah, even better!  
  
Jerry (looking impressed):  
  
There's something BETTER than a love doll?  
  
Kramer:  
  
Giddy-Up!  
  
Jerry:  
  
What?  
  
Kramer:  
  
A brand new computer!  
  
Jerry (looking slightly less impressed): Ah. (turns around)  
  
Kramer:  
  
Wait, wh- aren't you excited?  
  
Jerry:  
  
No.  
  
Kramer:  
  
Fine. What time is it?  
  
Jerry (looking at his watch):  
  
3:18, why?  
  
Kramer:  
  
Ah, got to go. I am 3 minutes late for my appointment.  
  
Jerry:  
  
An appointment? With who?  
  
Kramer:  
  
PrettyLady360.  
  
Jerry:  
  
Ah.  
  
Kramer Leaves  
  
Jerry (to George):  
  
There goes another victim of modern technology.  
  
George:  
  
When do you think this computer thing will stop?  
  
Jerry (looking up, talking certainly):  
  
I'll give it a few millenniums.  
  
(George smiles)  
  
Scene 2, Coffee House:  
  
Elaine is sitting, looking depressed.  
  
Waitress:  
  
Here's your check, which would be 5.78. Walks Away  
  
Elaine:  
  
Wait! Waitress Turns Around  
  
Elaine:  
  
5.78 for a cup of tea? It's not like this tea flavor is extinct or something.  
  
Waitress:  
  
It's 5.78, if you think it's too expensive then that's your problem. Whispering You should've thought about that before ordering.  
  
Walks Away  
  
Elaine:  
  
Mouthing Bitch.  
  
Jerry and George walk in  
  
Jerry:  
  
Hey Elaine.  
  
George:  
  
Hello Elaine.  
  
Elaine (flatly):  
  
Hey.  
  
George:  
  
How'd your date with Jason work out?  
  
Elaine Blows Raspberry  
  
George:  
  
I see.  
  
Jerry:  
  
Why? What happened?  
  
Elaine:  
  
He picked me up twenty minutes late. Then we went to see "Cats", he had to  
  
take three bathroom brakes. Jerry (sarcastically):  
  
That's terrible.  
  
Elaine:  
  
I know, and wait until you hear this, when we went back to his house for  
  
dinner, guess what he makes? Jerry and George look at each other absentmindedly  
  
Elaine:  
  
Spaghetti-O's! From a can!  
  
Jerry:  
  
Oh! Spaghetti-O's from a can! I thought Spaghetti-O's from a tree!  
  
Elaine looks at Jerry with a forced smile  
  
Scene 3, Kramer's Apartment:  
  
Kramer is on the computer.  
  
Kramer (while typing): I-am-twen-ty-two, and-from-Mali-bu.  
  
Kramer Waits for Response  
  
Kramer: Oh, you live in Malibu too, huh?  
  
Kramer (while typing): I'll-be-back-in-a-mo-ment, I-got-to-go-to-the-lit- tle-  
  
boys'-room. Gets up, girl responds  
  
Kramer (yelling at computer): What do you mean "be back ass-up"? Don't  
  
you call me an "ass-up!". Leaves to the Bathroom  
  
Zoom on Computer Screen, Computer says: "Be Back ASAP!"  
  
Commercial Break  
  
  
  
(ASAP=As Soon As Possible) 


	3. Third Part of Episode

Commercials End, Show Resumes  
  
Scene 4:  
  
Jerry and Linda are making out in the movie theatre.  
  
Leonardo Dicaprio:  
  
I'm the king of the world!  
  
Jerry (while kissing, muffled):  
  
I'm the king of kissing.  
  
Newman in the background, looking envious  
  
Jerry and Linda still kissing  
  
--Movie Ends, Jerry, Linda and Newman Walk Into Each Other Outside.  
  
Jerry:  
  
Hel-lo Newman.  
  
Newman (look of jealousy on his face):  
  
Good evening Jerry, what did you think of the movie?  
  
Jerry (startled):  
  
It was great, smiles to Linda especially from the angle I was in.  
  
Newman:  
  
Well, they say the 7th row is the best.  
  
Jerry (annoyed):  
  
Cool.  
  
Newman:  
  
But Three Hours, don't you think it was a bit. Long.?  
  
Jerry:  
  
No.  
  
Newman Shakes Head In Disgust  
  
  
  
Scene 5:  
  
Elaine and Jason Sitting on a Porch step  
  
Elaine:  
  
Thanks again for the fabulous Chef Boyardee dinner.  
  
Jason (smiling):  
  
Well, I'm glad you liked it.  
  
Elaine:  
  
Yeah, um. Listen, thank you so much for asking me on another date, I am really-  
  
Jason (interrupting):  
  
Elaine, I'm sorry, can you hold on a second. I got to go to the bathroom. I'm sorry, it'll be quick.  
  
Elaine Looking Astonished  
  
Jason (whispering):  
  
It'll take a minute, it's a number one.  
  
Elaine (nodding, eyes wide open):  
  
Door Shuts, Elaine Runs  
  
Scene 6:  
  
Jerry's Apartment, Jerry is Talking on the Phone  
  
Jerry:  
  
Okay, okay, so- Writes Down Queens' Rib Palace, Saturday, 7:30. Puts Note on Refrigerator I'll be there. Thanks, bye. Hangs Up.  
  
Knock  
  
Jerry Opens, Sees Elaine  
  
Elaine:  
  
You won't believe what happened.  
  
Jerry (sarcastically):  
  
Mr. Canned Food and you broke up.?  
  
Elaine:  
  
Sort of. He served me Chef Boyardee!  
  
Jerry:  
  
Which kind?  
  
Elaine:  
  
I don't know! Does it matter?  
  
Jerry Nods  
  
Elaine:  
  
Um, I think "Overstuffed Ravioli".  
  
Jerry (shrinks face):  
  
Eww, I mean, the Lasagna is okay, but the Ravioli?  
  
Elaine (as-a-matter-of-fact tone):  
  
OVERSTUFFED Ravioli.  
  
Kramer Enters  
  
Jerry:  
  
Kramer! How's what's her name-  
  
Kramer:  
  
PrettyWoman360?  
  
Jerry:  
  
Yeah, what did you say she called you?  
  
Kramer:  
  
Ass-up?  
  
Elaine:  
  
How did she spell it?  
  
Kramer:  
  
Oh yeah, that's another thing, she can't spell for crap!  
  
Elaine (stubbornly):  
  
How did she write it?!?  
  
Kramer:  
  
Woah! Easy there Elaine! She wrote it A-S-A-P!  
  
Elaine:  
  
Kramer! That means As-Soon-As-Possible!  
  
Kramer:  
  
Oh. That explains a lot. Well, she barbs too much!  
  
Jerry:  
  
What's barb?  
  
Kramer:  
  
You know, barb. To insult.  
  
Elaine:  
  
Did she insult YOU?  
  
Kramer:  
  
No, but she keeps saying it. She can't spell that either, she writes it B-R- B and then she leaves for like a minute or two.  
  
Elaine:  
  
Kramer! That means Be-Right-Back!  
  
Kramer (hangs head in shame):  
  
Oh.  
  
Jerry:  
  
Elaine, how come you know so much about these "Internet Signs"?  
  
Elaine:  
  
Um. I chat once in a while.  
  
Jerry:  
  
Did you meet anybody nice?  
  
Elaine:  
  
I thought I did.  
  
Jerry:  
  
Who?  
  
Elaine (bites lip):  
  
Elaine Coughs  
  
Mr. Canned Food.  
  
Jerry Laughs  
  
Kramer:  
  
Well, my woman told me she likes Chinese food. I got no problem with that.  
  
Jerry:  
  
Was that before or after you told her you lived in China for three years?  
  
Kramer (angry):  
  
HEY! I only said two-and-a-half!  
  
Jerry (sarcastically):  
  
Oh! My bad.  
  
Jerry:  
  
Do you have a picture of her?  
  
Kramer:  
  
Yeah, I printed it from the computer. Look.  
  
Kramer takes out Picture, Jerry and Elaine look  
  
Kramer:  
  
What do you think? Isn't she something?  
  
Elaine and Jerry look at Kramer  
  
Kramer:  
  
She should be a- a- a model. Or a- a TV star or something.  
  
Jerry:  
  
She is.  
  
Kramer:  
  
What? What do you mean?  
  
Jerry:  
  
That's a picture of Yasmine Bleeth. From BAYWATCH.  
  
Kramer Flabbergasted  
  
Commercial Break 


	4. Conclusion and Credits

Commercials End, Show Resumes  
  
Scene 7:  
  
Elaine's Apartment, Elaine Talking On The Phone.  
  
Elaine:  
  
Oh, hey Jason.  
  
Elaine (mouthing):  
  
Shit!  
  
Elaine:  
  
Why did I leave you last night.? Um. I had to. Uh. BATHROOM! Yeah, I had to go to the bathroom and you know, it was taken, by you. So. Well maybe I didn't tell you because I was embarrassed! Yeah! How much do I owe you? 9.81? For what? The Overstuffed Ravioli and the Spaghetti O's! Oh no, you don't!  
  
End!  
  
Credits:  
  
Cast:  
  
Jerry Seinfeld .... Jerry Seinfeld  
  
George Costanza .... Jason Alexander  
  
Elaine Benes .... Julia Louis-Dreyfus  
  
Cosmo Kramer .... Michael Richards  
  
Newman .... Wayne Knight  
  
Jason .... George Bentley  
  
Linda .... Erica Denville  
  
Crew:  
  
Script Writer .... Ohav S.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Please Review! 


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